You and I

Like Moulin Rouge, I am cast into a relationship destined for failure; I listen to sad songs and think of you. Could I not be the one? You really do love? How I dread never knowing the truth… chemistry within you has attracted me, yet you refuse to accept the possibilities. Therefore, when I feel sad, I remind myself that reality is more important than fantasy. I understand how easily it is to suppress your feelings. Instead of allowing myself to fully feel love from you, I remind myself that it was my dream, and not yours. Even after all this time… You, still don’t see me. I do not know what you were looking at~ when you looked into my eyes? Were you searching for someone else to be in there?

And yet, here I am. I have taken down all the photographs and filed them away. I have taken all the writings and lock them down. The part of me that yearns to be with you, I scold and punish. I remind him; he is not welcome here. That his antics and playful nature are what chased you away. It is his fault for being too friendly and being "too naïve." He will no longer fill my mind with taunts of romance- with you. He has been cast into a dungeon never to see the light of day again… how foolish I was to listen to this dreamer, thinking I could attain a relationship. It is the dreamer’s that causes us so much hurt. If we can all live in reality, we never have to fear or worry about having our heart broken again.

So~ join the masses of disillusioned lovers. It is a place where I no longer trust others. It is a place where I no longer can be betrayed. It is the place of facts and seriousness. So I hope you’re happy to see I have chosen to give up my childish ways. I concede they never truly made you laugh. You were laughing at my foolish love. The same kind of love you once knew before someone broke your heart. I see that love amounts to nothing. It is misconceived by physical passion. It believes in too many impossibilities. It hurts and it hurts and it hurts!!! You are right not to give me your love, you are right to keep your Love locked Deep in that dungeon, you are right to show me how foolish I was to allow my love "too much authority."

I try to appreciate your point of view, but I’m not one to surrender and fool myself about the true nature of love. Love is forgiving, and I do forgive. Love is long-suffering, and I will bear this burden myself. Love guides me into the future, and "I will never" throw that child into a dark pit, just because I’m angry. It is those who choose to live in "selfish control of love" that never really know what it is. They had infatuation, they had obsession, but you have yet to know what true love is. It is being able to encourage the growth of a relationship to its logical end. I prefer my freedom and soundness of mind, and I can only maintain those by being a realist inside the beautiful abandonment.

Thomas A. SUTOR

P.O. Box 2343

Lompoc CA 93438

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