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Who
Am I to Me. I
am the product of God. I was
created with purpose, meaning, and faithfulness.
Many times I have allowed outside influences to fill me with fear of life
and death. How often I forgot that
God created everything “including me.”
When I denied Gods existence, all I had was more oppression, uncertainty,
and unwarranted selfish behavior. It
seems that when I do not believe in God, I lose my focus on being a good, kind,
and helpful person to everyone. When
I’m not focused on God, I become one selfish bastard!!! denying my true
parentage. There were physical
parents who influence my perceptions on life, on security, and on love.
Sadly my parents were not perfect; they filled my mind with all their
fears, all their anger, and all their hatred.
I did not know I have the right to choose my own. I
made choices based on what my mother wanted, or what I thought she wanted.
I made choices on what my father wanted, or what I thought he wanted. That I made choices based on institutionalized religions,
friendships, and falling in love with another.
I gave my power away to so many people because I was afraid to believe
“I am”. I do not have to worry
about you anymore. I need to worry
about me and the people who wish to be with me because they also believe in
goodness, kindness, and being trustworthy.
I have been betrayed many times by my parents, by the church, by my
friends, and by my lovers. I
realize today I did nothing on my part to deserve betrayal.
How I blamed myself back then though.
I thought I must not have been honest enough?
I thought I did not express my ideas and beliefs with true motives? I
thought there was something terribly wrong with me. I
was mistaken. There’s nothing
wrong with me. I’m not a bad
person, and I have never done anything violent. I have defended myself from abusive people, trusted friends,
trusted wife, and others who would impose their selfish hatred upon me.
I realize today~ every violent thing that has been done to me was the
other person’s choice. I have always controlled my temper regardless of how unjustly
or betrayed I felt. It is not me
who's a violent person; it is others out there.
I know how to defend myself today. I
also know by trusting God he will see me through anything.
I cannot let other people’s “limited” life expectancy prevent me
from striving to be fully happy and courageous in my world.
I realize today that if people want to be with me, it is up to them.
I do not have behaviors that push away good people. Furthermore, no one is good but God. And if God can come close to me, so can you. I
will always offer my hand out first. I
will be trusting of you until you give me a reason not to.
My loyalty to you is in prayer. Every other direction I take with my
life, I would hope you would trust ideas from the most honest motives.
All I ask of you is your support, reassurance, and encouragement for me
to be a better person. I don’t
think that’s asking too much of my friends or loved ones. I have had a very hard life as we all have, but I still
choose to be kind, honest, and self-confident.
If you are feeling secure in your person, there’s no fear of anything.
It is all the people on the planet filled with insecurities that cause
jealousy, hatred, and self-destructive behavior. Thomas A. SUTOR P.O. Box 2343 Lompoc CA 93438 Rockhawk.com |
All written word is "The Opinion" of Thomas A. unless otherwise noted...
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