When
I Feel Defeated
The
Long day is over, and I feel empty. How
is it sometimes that when everything seems to be OK, I am still so uncertain?
Do I have reason to fear? Of
course I can answer with an affirmative yes; my body has been through the trials
of the years, and my mind has been savagely truncated. I am without the recourse
to youth’ and old age is ever present. My memories are as clear as crystal
about a young person I used to be, and the young people I used to stay with.
How savagely~ death’ has taken many. How unforgiving- many’ have
faded away, and how disappointing it is to find myself… The last one standing.
I was not supposed to be able to survive to this age!
Very few of us, are still alive today, and I guess that is the way it is
supposed to be.
I
have never been one who fears death; it has always seemed that life was somewhat
more’ of an undertaking. What
pleasures one must have when they dive into eternal sleep.
The place of peace is held deeply in the hearts- of everyone who has
died. And maybe at times, I am
envious of those who have died before me. Why
could they not hang around more; before, the loss of this friendship?
Why should I have to wander- the halls of society?
Why did I never ask this question when I was younger? I do not know. I
sometimes forget the pleasures of today when I overdo it.
I forget to recall the many blessings I’ do enjoy.
And then I’m not so jealous~ of those who have died.
For I still conceive a sunrise and a sunset.
I embellish the flowers, and the vegetation.
I look at younger people with wiser eyes, and I understand that they have
many struggles- still before them.
I
believe the deepest cut in my life would be “the inability” to still make
friends. Nothing can be more
brokenhearted or disturbing’ than loneliness. I’d rather die a million
deaths preferably’ too being an outcast in society.
I know that I am not an outcast, and that I do have productive things to
do. Everyday, I make a difference
in this world because I can. It is
the undertaking of work and activity that invigorates my mind to think, and my
soul to brave. They’re just those
“often reminders” that my age is no longer the age of endurance.
Age can sometimes overwhelmingly’ skew my positive perceptions.
Had I’ been left up to my own resources, I think I may have missed out
on the most wonderful gifts in life. Intimacy
with another fellow human being. There
can be no price however high that I would not sacrifice, for my right to share
in meaningful and soulful delights.
It
is my greatest hope that there is a universal consciousness! Which we all
participate in~ as the human race. We
decided what is worthy, and what is not. We
invent miraculous supernatural events on a daily basis.
And’ we are all nothing more then flesh and bone.
How comforting to know that my life- has been lived. How insightful’ as
my soul has been determined, too keep me in line.
How joyful when I can laugh at my own pathetic life! Do not scold an
older person; approach them with gentleness and encouragement.
Their sad face will most likely remember how to smile.
For as we get older, we all continue to remember what we once were.
Sometimes, we forget how we continue to have faith?
May love guide my soul to the understanding that I am one. One who has
made a difference. A difference that meant something~ to some one else.
Thomas
A. SUTOR
P.O.
Box 2343
Lompoc
CA 93438
Rockhawk.com
