When does a guy get a break?

It never seems to fail me, I struggle, I toil and still there are more things to bring me down. For some reason’ my friendships cannot last, my romances cannot be physically saturated, and my dealings with life seemed to become more difficult’ as each day passes. What brings me to this place? By what purpose am I supposed to learn from many troubles in my life? I do not think it is fair, and it angers me that I cannot communicate with my friend honestly. Friendships are the most important thing, yet I fear I have lost the ability to be totally open. For some reason, marriage sometimes changes the way your friends react to you.

There once was a time when we would stay up late and talk for hours on end. We continually harassed and annoyed each other and "found great pleasure in doing so." We had our rituals, we had our games, and we had an honesty that was based on telling your friend exactly what your world is like. I’ve seen it happened time and again. A friend gets married, and they slowly but surely stop associating with you. You think about all the things you’ve been through. You think about how you understand each other so well. You can feel in the conversations that the other is holding back’ and not being completely candid. As if on guard~ not to say the wrong thing. I have always found it most intimate when we can talk about our "true feelings." This is what I miss most.

It seems you cannot get them away from their partner; long enough, to have a serious one on one conversation. It’s as if the spouse has to be involved with every conversation. So you no longer call this person, you no longer write letters, and you even stop sending birthday cards. Then they wonder? What has happened to the friendship? It surely must be my fault, and our friend decides that the opinion of their spouse is the only opinion worth listening to. I do not know if I’ll ever get married. I enjoy my own freedom to think as I wish- way too much. I could share in a marriage, but I would still need to have my privacy. I would still need to do things on my own. I would not have to check in every time I went someplace. Because if I ever do get married again, it will be based on trust.

Sometimes we have to be honest with our friends’ even if it means losing the friendship. If our friends are able to comprehend and accept our honesty, we will work things out. My motives are based on a strong desire to remain close. We choose our friends because they generally believe’ what we believe. We choose our spouses because they fulfill us as a friend never will. We choose to put our priority on God, so our relationships will remain in good faith. I pray for you my friend. I pray that you feel me, I pray that you understand me, and I pray that you love me. Love is not restricted to marriage, it is not restricted at all’ concerning healthy normal relationships. Friends should never be restricted from sharing with one another.

Thomas A. SUTOR

P.O. Box 2343

Lompoc CA 93438

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