What
do I fear?
What
secrets do I wish to keep? What things do I remember that I’m afraid to
tackle? What parts of my history do I try and deny their reality? I have
learned to become honest with myself; I remember things as if they were
yesterday. There was a time when shame demanded that I remain silenced.
There were the memories of the intruder who kept me feeling inadequate. There
was my own foolish self blame. I couldn’t understand why I should feel
guilty when I was the victim? It must be all that pious Christian sexual
talk. Those same high ass Christians who follow the Bible provided to them
by the Catholic Church.
Any educated person can take a decisive look at the Holy Scriptures and see that
they were written by man. Those who are desperate to have a faith, they
will defend it even if it means breaking their own code of honor. When the
people of the congregation continually allow other people of the congregation to
control the church, the church does not focus on the faith; it focuses on the
status and retirement plans of its preachers. If preachers are so assured
about God, how much of my money do they need in order to make a salary?
Could they not work a regular job, and still preach on Sunday? I mean how
difficult can it be to write a sermon? Is God’s ability to educate us so
slow that it takes an entire week to develop a one-hour message? I myself
can write things that’ll inspire people. I don’t think I have any need
to fear the opinions of religious leaders.
As I live in my neighborhood, there are certain neighbors that do disturb me.
Some are just annoying; others are abrasive, and others you can feel the evil in
the way they carry themselves. I at one time, thought it wise to carry a
gun. I never realized that when you are attacked, they will not stop and
allow you to get you’re weapon out. So I decided if I must carry a gun,
it would only be when my government issued me arms because our country is now at
war. I decided the safest way to have protection is to have many friends.
And even then, there are no guarantees that you will not be caught out in the
open- at some time. So once again, we are alone and defenseless against the
onslaught.
Considering as long as humans have been living here, most will generally die by
80 if not much sooner. Therefore, anything I may be regretting is only my lack
of faith. Which brings the attack of past memories back to the forefront of my
mind. When I realize how insignificant my life is, I should not be
limiting my ability to be happy because I’m afraid of things I do, or the
things that were done to me. I must be as brave as the warrior must when I
consider my secret chains. Locked into my consciousness until the day I
die. Memories I fear’ anyone- ever finding out. Memories that
chain me. Memories I wish had never been created, but at that time I was a
victim of circumstance. Today I am no longer a victim, and I revel in my
freedom!
Thomas
A. SUTOR
P.O.
Box 2343
Lompoc
CA 93438
Rockhawk.com
