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Tonight I cry
Because sometimes I think she will never accept me. No matter how open minded I become, she will not embrace me. Am I plagued, am I diseased? What causes her to repel the man she loves? Would I be so draw to her if this was not love? I think not! Still, I have seen what obsession can do, and I would rather die first. I want nothing more than for her to feel my tears, I wish for her to cry with me. To feel my pain and know that I feel hers. It is not easy being honest’ most people are cowards and would rather use a lie first. I cannot allow myself ever to believe something good can come out of a lie… This sadness that enraptures my soul is the lost lovers chance. Not to be fulfilled, but a life of unsatisfied wanting. Too face each day in mortal contemplation for what gain? Spirituality! Humanity! Children… I see that children deserve a better world then we live in. One built more on trust and not secrecy and sexury condoned by religious institutions! Buildings and walls hold us apart, talking and communications bring us together. I am not the one who hurt her. I have made mistakes, but I have always asked permission first. When she agreed to permitting me inside her life, I saw hers eyes fill with joy and pleasure. That is the woman I love, and her actions tell me my love is valid. Is it not interesting that in my love for her, I have to endure difficulty and temptation? My ideas of life are much challenged. I want our relation to always be filled with good and safe feelings, not distrust and anger. That makes my heart heavy and pride tries to close me down. Like a spoiled brat, I stomp and scream at the things I do not understand! I want to be connected. I want you to feel me with all my passion and all my heart! This love I need is magical, not suspicious. This friendship I need is Helpful, not critical. This hand feels empty when you do not hold it. Is it wrong for me to yearn for true acceptance? I am tired and weary, and living is not a joy. She has brought hope to a defeated soul. And I see people with succesful long-term relationships all the time, how is it, I am unwilling to trust someone that much? Have those who used me gonna get the final blow? Destroying my ability to reopen my heart to another? I could allow myself to become bitter and untrusting, but it would only make me grow old with a permanent frown. So, I will pray that she might have pity on me and herself. We should not spend our times in worlds of anger, we know eachother and are willing to cross boundaries. I hold onto her definite self. The one that knows me and loves something that she will never tell.
Thomas A Sutor P O Box 2343 Lompoc CA 93438 Rockhawk.com |
All written word is "The Opinion" of Thomas A. unless otherwise noted...
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