The Final Straw
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The Final Straw 

 

Without an ounce of dignity left to my soul, I screamed.  I give my all, I try my hardest, I do what I can, and it doesn’t mean a damn...  I’m so tired of dealing with all these conflicting emotions! All I ask is to be able to meet my needs.  People in the position of power have a different opinion on what my needs are.  I would like at least a decent place to live, food for the stomach, and an equality on the matters of social enjoyments.  I am beat down, I am frustrated, I am lost, and I no longer care.

    Society says that the law will protect you, but it has failed me and insulted me.  I have been honest and straightforward concerning my position, yet it has only limited my abilities.  I’m not asking for too much am I?  What does it matter anymore anyway?  Who gives a damn?  I am sick and tired of trying to prove myself to people who do not care.  Everything I do and everything I say doesn’t seem to mean a bit of anything.  I sometimes believe that the only thing worth doing today is total destruction.  To slap on the rage of unfulfilled needs.  Suddenly loose~ I go crazy and do despicable things.

    I can find no peace in my mind, soul, or even my body.  And if my body cannot be at peace, why should I go on living?  What does it profit, who does it help, and what does it matter?  Do not fill me with words of comfort, do not scold me for my feelings, and do not tell me things are going to get better.  All lies, all lies, all lies…this is where I have been brought to by my fellow man.  Beaten down, degradation, apathy.  I wish those who have made my world such a living hell could experience what I feel right now.  I would show them no mercy and let them suffer as I have suffered.

    I do not wish to be comforted, I do not wish to be consoled, and I do not need anything.  If I must be so unjustly treated, let me at least find joy in supreme anger.  Let my mind and soul scream at the injustice. No one can understand how I feel right now.  I’m in the place where no matter what I do- nothing ever works out right.  I’ve been cursed since the day I was born, I have lost everything I have ever cared for, and I have been denied the right to spend my life in pleasure.  You cannot tell me that you understand because you do not!!!

 

Thomas A. SUTOR

P.O. Box 2343

Lompoc CA 92438

Rockhawk.com

 

All written word is "The Opinion" of Thomas A. unless otherwise noted...

1937 American Life