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Spark
of God Inside the
indelible human soul lies the most precious gift of my life.
This energy burst’ that provides me with knowledge, understanding, and
wisdom. It is the ultimate
creation. It is my core being. When
I was unable to make a difference in life, I would blame creation. I would justify my hatred of God and of humanity.
I could not realize how pathetic that was- for I feared everything. In my
state of confusion, I decided that life is very hard, and that I do not wish to
be bothered by the responsibility of proper action.
“My actions were not my choice, when they were a byproduct of the Devil.”
This was just a rationalization in an effort to excuse my bad behavior.
I refused to admit it was my choice when I did wrong. Consequently, my contempt for life~ even my own
survival’ became wishful thinking. I
was more set on destructive behavior than gaining true friendships.
The many people I could have made the choice to help; became, the people
I chose to hurt. My indifference to
spiritual matters, my indemnity of faith, and my unwillingness to pray were all
byproducts of rebellion and disillusionment.
Where once I could enjoy music, laughter, and closeness, I had chosen to
embrace indifference, secrecy, and emotional deadening.
This world that I existed in was a byproduct of years of abuse and
misinformation, so I decided for my own survival, I must become more protected.
I must question things, I must evaluate motives, and I must keep you in
the distant. Frailties born in
fear- surrounded my conscience and psychology. To have lost touch with the dreams of my youth, I
found myself very serious and always focused on reality.
Sadly, 90 percent of the time “I focused on the misfortunes in
reality”; instead of, the 10 percent of miracles and wondrous things.
This only compounded my already depressed state, and forced me into
seclusion. By chance~ you came my
way, and open my soul to the possibilities of existence.
No longer would I be chained to false realities, no longer would I live
as a slave worker, and no longer would I refuse to be playful.
I had to rip open my heart and discover the spark of divinity! Still
hiding there... In all its wondrous
glory, I found the energy of my existence.
I had lived a life of tears and sorrow.
Defeated by reality, I threw away romance, hope, and intimate relations.
How much regret’ too stop me from this madness? I may not believe in God, but I believe in
existence. To have the opportunity to live in this day and age’ is its own
reward. To experience pain,
suffering, and sorrow; it has shown me, to experience pleasure, ability, and
gladness. I sometimes forget how
easily I can choose to do nothing. How
quickly I refuse to be helpful. How
self-important “expressing negative emotions” has become a part of my daily
speech. I thank the powers of the
universe for reconnecting my heart with my mind.
It was the exodice of these two items that has been my greatest
misfortune. I did not realize that
when my mind, and my heart are in balance I am at my optimal best.
Though I may be very limited in prayer, I grant myself the permission to
accept I have been created in the image of God… Thomas
A. SUTOR P.O.
Box 2343 Lompoc
CA 93438 Rockhawk.com |
All written word is "The Opinion" of Thomas A. unless otherwise noted...
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