Sanity
Pleases
I
do not want to surrender, I do not wish to give up, and yet I am unable to stop
something that has begun. How is it
that the mind made so majestically from the intertwining of space, can just as
easily be put under a certain duress, and lose its ability to function.
Madness is not something we wish to talk about seriously at any time.
We have enough fears and worries without the biggest one of “actual
unpreventable” loss of mind. It
is here a person must find what is inside them that' was never meant to be. I will smile and do my best’ not to let the strange
behavior takeover. I am grasping at
things that are not physical, but only in thought. I know the difference between
Sane thinking and dementia. All
crazy people do.
I
try to pretend and hold my composure. Sometimes
it’s a seething anger filled with hatred. At other times, it is foolishness
and simplicity. In the most
desperate times it is fear and agony. My
friends will recognize me, but will I recognize them?
How does one become insane? More
importantly, how does one prevent themselves from acquiring such a debilitating
disease? I always thought I would
never have “the crises” that could beat me into submission… It is a slow methodical torture.
Eventually the physical mind after generating so much energy, begins to
run like a bad engine. In no longer
flows in one direction, its channels cannot always make their mark, and the
words that I speak when in this condition? Are words that have no meaning…
I
wonder if destiny demands that great people eventually~ all go insane?
Could I not possibly be a spark of the divine! Made to leave a mark on
this planet!?! Or am I just one~
amongst billions- of insignificant self-thinking’ anatomical personage?
It is the extremes that the mind decides to focus on when the stability
is no longer constant. Things that I would never say to my closest friends now
seem to become a priority. And
moments come back to Me where I am thinking rationally. Having done opened the
doors in discussions when I communicate people, I naturally bring back a
sentence’ of offense. And yet I
laughed? There is nothing to be humorous in this matter?
Or is there? There it goes again!!! trying to tell me how to live my life
when I know perfectly well what I want to do with my life. In this point fickleness becomes one of my extremes!
I
believe I have been mad in the past. Times
a drinking, and times a druggen I did the most inane and moronic behavior. And in fit’s of jealousy I obsessed destructively over
another. Even driving my car' gave
many opportunity for me to show my madness.
But those are natural reactions to human behavior.
It is the unnatural behavior that becomes part of the psyche’ of the
one who no longer can focus on their objective.
Instead of questioning to the point of morbid thought, I wish; to be a
playful Idiot. I may not be able to
control everything I will say, but hopefully my dementia will never go to a
point of violence. That would be a
shame I could never forgive myself because of my own lack of will. Cotton spider
webs! And life’s cruel jokes, I begin my laughter. Hah! HA! hA!
Thomas
A. SUTOR
P.O.
Box 2343
Lompoc
CA 93438
Rockhawk.com
