Only
Babies Cry….
I was four years old.
My abuser would put his hand over my mouth and whisper in my ear, (as he
was penetrating me) “don’t cry… only babies cry. Be a big boy”. When
he was finished, he would say, “you were a good boy, you didn’t cry”.
For what seemed like an eternity, this older cousin,
(on a nightly basis) invaded my young world.
As time went by, he stopped having to warn me not to cry.
I had learned to cry on the inside, you see.
My silent cries for help subsided, for
I felt no one could, or would hear me. After a while I came to accept being used by my cousin and
his male friends.
It was wartime and all of
the adults were working, so there was ample opportunity for my abuse.
My cousin was my “baby-sitter”.
While the grown-ups were away at work, he would invite several of his
friends over. They would all get
naked and take turns with me. While
one was sodomizing me, the others would be cheering him on to…”give it to
him good”! They were young, horny
teenagers, and by the time they were finished, I lay limp and ravished.
This went on for many
months. All during that time, I didn’t cry.
It was only after (at age
50) hearing Roseanne speak out about her sexual abuse as a child, that I began
to have flash-backs of that time so long ago.
As each memory came flooding back to my consciousness, I realized that
all these years I had harbored so much anger and hatred.
Anger at having been robbed of my childhood…hating what had been done
to me, against my will.
Today, I often think of that
sad little boy…and I cry.
Rex D.
