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No right to speak
Filled with booze, I sit and think. OK, here you are. You have done everything you needed to get yourself inline with death. Now it is time, and you fear slicing the wrist? You have no money, you have no idea who you are, and you fear the very thoughts of losing everything, and yet you live. What is this force within us that wishes to keep us alive even when we no longer desire to feel and experience life? It screams with defiance about the thought of ceasing to exist as if we have some purpose to full fill. It does not say it is over, it does not say I quit, and it is as much a part of who we are as any other aspect of life. We all want to grow up successful and live life rightly. However, those who have much knowledge realize it is folly to claim life as forever. It is forever; as long as, those who go on living keep procreating, yet those who do not? What will happen to their family line? Do family lines really matter when you have no hope? I do not think so. It is easy to try and hold on to life and make it out as some grand journey. But life is no easy task, and it is hard for us` too realize what we need to be happy. When we make those sad around us, who are we to keep living and repeating the same behavior? I can not think of a time in my life when my way of thinking has not done damage. I infiltrate people’s lives and gain their trust, and then I release them without any prior knowledge of why I should not. I am defenseless against my own mind, and I am tired of reliving and redoing painful emotions. I ask you to set me free. Let me out of this hell I live in! I am not one who can handle it… I fight within myself to find some proper morality. I can not go on living like this, and I surly will not live with drink and drugs. Sadly, there is no alternative. I am faced with a choice as grave and permanent as any. Once made, I can not rebuild that bridge. I go unknown into another life, or I go to sleep forever. Why do I hold onto this life? It is all I know. I can not say what will happen when I die? No one does. Everyone has an ideology about why we are here, and I have found my own. We are temporary creatures at best. There is no returning to this plain unless karma is real. If there is no karma, then we have no other scientific way to cross over deaths permanence. A slow cut is all it will take; the pain will be gone forever. No more emotions, overbearing your soul, you will only find rest. Is that not what we want after we have lived long enough` too say: we have done all we wanted to do. There is no more reason for existing. I am 87 years old... Who are you to talk of faith? A lifetime lived, and you shall see as I do. Lost writing from Ecclesiastes: A book of the Bible chapter 13...
Thomas A Sutor P O Box 2343 Lompoc CA 93438 Rockhawk.com |
All written word is "The Opinion" of Thomas A. unless otherwise noted...
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