|
|
Life makes no sense
I had it all, and I let my personal love emotions ruin a most delightful mistress arrangement. Even though she never said she did not love me, she would never validate it with words. She was fantastic at sending gifts and making special little something’s. I felt quite loved when she did these things. Yet, she would never let us talk of commitment~ as if it were a forbidden word? I would have done my best to honor her at all times; I would have given her space even after we got married. It was not living together that was important as much as being true to eachother. I had to get into one of my devil beware mindsets and challenge her to tell me I am the one! After many repeats, I tried to just be a good friend. I tried to subdue my personal feelings, and my jealously. I could not, and I felt that we would only end up alone. I guess now I will never know what happens to her. I was so foolish to take away my acceptance, and she has more pride than I. I am too ashamed to call and apologize as she made it quite clear that I was too much to handle. I walk with the responsibility of what I have done. I tried to convince myself that if I started dating, we could continue with relations as usual, but I am sure my new mate would not be appreciative of that! As I have not found my new mate yet, I am stuck in the dismal emotions of lost love and lost romance with the one woman who I wished could accept me! If she accepted me, we could have begun planning for a future together maybe in five years from now. She must have thought I was talking of moving into together without any planning? Yet, she never introduced me to her friends. I was always her private secret. And it hurts me so that I have taken that away from her. I know she will get over it, as will I. I hate to admit that she only saw me as a sexual liaison, but not someone she would help to get by in this life. I understand her reasoning, but I think she gave me too little credit to be a good partner in a loving relationship… She only saw her past and put me somewhere in the “friends only” category. I want to be her friend, but I also want so much more. I thought I made her happy. I thought I gave her dreams. I thought she would come around, but she did not. Now we are both alone in the emotions that count. I wish she would just for once call me instead of the other way around…
Thomas A Sutor P O Box 2343 Lompoc CA 93436 Rockhawk.com |
All written word is "The Opinion" of Thomas A. unless otherwise noted...
|
