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Incessant Yearning I cannot turn it off. The mind only wants to be repaired and reunited, and not live a lie! I am not one to tell you everything, but I have. Why do you shut off all affections and put us on this slipping slope of friendship? You seem to just turn off all your feelings for me, and think it is ok not to be romantic. Do you know why I walked away? I was hurt that you could not find the time for me. You had me fitted into a schedule, and that is all the time you allotted me. You belittled my emotions, and pretend that you never felt love for me. You are so selfish? You do not share your heart, and you have no good excuse. You know who I am, and yet you feel nothing now? I did not mean to hurt you, but I guess you did not see how you kept me at arms length? It must have been such a surprise when I broke it off? You must feel I wronged you. Do you not have the mind to forgive and move forward, yet you did forgive and set conditions. Instead of “talking to figure out” why I was so upset, you went right to “friends”. Why do you live with so much fear? I am not a bad person. Why do you let this go on, I am not the one for you. If you want me tell me, do not fill my mind with hope. What do I do for you I do not know? No matter how hard I try, I can not see a life without you. What is this sickness that fills my mind with such desperation? I do not need you to feel ok, I do not need you to show approval, and I do not like this false reality we are now in. I am hurt and I am angry. You can just laugh and play and enjoy your friends. You only talk to me as a favor. I do not feel you care; as much as, I feel pity. I do not want your pity; go give it someone you’re willing to live with. You do not see what I struggle with, and you are unwilling to help me. Must I always do the dirty work? I travel to see you, I find places to stay while visiting, and I am more a good time than a real partner. You have way too little faith in me, and your ability. I know we would have made a great couple, but I guess I was just too impatient. You know nothing of love, and you have made me believe I was a fool for trying to love someone who would not return it. Your word. That is the most defining part of who you are. Had you just said the words, we would have a life together. It might be hard, but we would have cheered eachother up. It might have been poor, but we would have always had enough. It might have lasted a lifetime, and we would have loved every night cuddling beside eachother. Here we stand alone, and hurting. I hurt because you won’t, you hurt because I won’t, and we hurt because we won’t… How does it always come to a tragic ending when lovers finally find the one they know is real? Are we manipulated by unforeseen powers, or are our petty thoughts of self preservation more important than holding the one we long for?
Thomas A Sutor P O Box 2343 Lompoc CA 93436 Rockhawk.com |
All written word is "The Opinion" of Thomas A. unless otherwise noted...
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