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IN deepest recess I find myself alone and awash… Here is a place` I find time not too demanding. I do not have to meet your needs, I do not have to listen to your opinions, and I do not allow my self to think of what might had been if one would only take the courage to find that wonderful truth. “Love”. This is the elegant reality that we pursue be it kinky sex or sublime… When two become one, they fall into the rhythm of life pulsating like the inner workings of the human heart. A place such as this I have walked, and so have you. We know what it means to be in love, we know what it means to have love returned, yet we know to our dismay.., love denied… I stood by your side and opened my heart and soul. I wanted to make this life the wonderful thing we were creating. Disappointments and hesitation do not grow kind feelings. A gift given was given to be kept not thrown away like some useless affection. How do we find the time to make closeness, yet not find the time to make it last? I see to my dismay that your motives for this relation were so very different from mine. How you can live with what you do’ must complete ones ability too shut off guilt and shame. It is not a painful nightmare to you; it was only recreation and temporary emotions. I did not see the lasting feelings that would secure our future. I had to walk away from such a lie as this. One where I give and give, and you take and take. My heart is empty concerning what you meant to me. I flush my bile and see the filth that was my undoing. A shattered fantasy upon a shattered child brings forth hopeless indoctrination with sad people and sad faces. My smile overwhelmed by your unconcern and selfish pride. Treating me as nothing important when I needed you. I would walk with you to the hardest trials, yet I see you would only walk me to the door` and not return my calls when I needed your support as a friend’ even though we shared so much more. It is sad to see you can not be faithful even to your closest people. Your heart is mired by disillusionments of your own making… I can recreate my self and find passion and power in conversation. My ears are open to the sounds of others. I do not live in fear of life; as much as, I find myself lost in misunderstanding. I would understand why your soul rejects my soul. But there is no happy answer. I would know your feelings for me. Yet they are diluted by your pessimism on love. I will take the blame` as the one who ended it. My foundation now created upon this island’ I seek to join the other bodies of influence. It is escape and drudgery that I find myself in this hollow set of circumstances. Never contained and throw forth` without boundaries~
Thomas A Sutor P O Box 2343 Lompoc CA 93436 Rockhawk.com |
All written word is "The Opinion" of Thomas A. unless otherwise noted...
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