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Forgotten Angel It stands upon the shelf standing with wings spread wide, Full of hope and desire. Years ago He went to her house to say hello, and she found him to be pleasant. It is the mind that follows… For his desire was true and willing; hers was indifferent and possessive. She could not love anyone more than herself, and she thought this was the road to happiness, and she spent many years in joy and games and social gatherings. She gave them her time and her skills, but he was only seen~ as a liability. Not someone who she could trust. She could use him for sexual gratification and personal gain, but he would never touch her heart. She had taken all protection and pride. Fear was never spoken of, but it was only the loss that she feared. To lose him to another woman, to lose him to a career, or to lose him to death… All these things she could foretell and predict with such accuracy that she held no contempt for those who depended on her. They can wait is what she thought. If they ask for my help, I will say no. No matter how much I think I love them or think I do not, I will not avail myself to feel either. I will spend my life in a numbness that surrounds those who have lost hope and choose to escape through drugs rather than feel what I truly feel for this man! I will not allow myself to swoon over this beautiful soul. I have shared with him and it was wonderful, yet now I demand freedom from all sexual connection. My passions can be fulfilled by other men whom I do not care about, but he must stay away as he pulls at certain emotions. He wants me so much. I know he loves me, and I know he would do anything he could to have a life with me. Yet, I do not want that. I want to live away from him, and his influence on me. I do not care to feel so close when he can not make up his mind about what he wants. Have I done anything to make him think we would be happy together? Why do I deny his true need? Why do I not see what he is offering and understand the wonderment of that? Is he the one? I can not bear to think that` and would rather live alone. No more chances to be hurt. Do I care that he is hurting? Do I get angry that he is hurting? Why can I not stop the hurt and hold my hand out in cooperation? Is he really asking for { anything } that we booth want? I dare not ask myself that question. I do not cry anymore. My emotions have become dormant. It has been years since I’ve seen him. Why do I still carry his spirit with me? He seemed to understand my pain, and we connected. What did he do that I thought was irreparable? AM I not strong enough to tell him how much I want it too; was I not strong enough to believe in love? That poor little man filled with passions he can not expel… I never allowed him the right of acceptance and instead made conditions on our romantic beginning. I did not encourage or support his decision, so he had to make answers on his own. He was only seeking my hand in commitment. Is there anyone else I would rather commit myself too? His wings are faded, and he does not fly anymore. I never thought of him as he thought of me, had I` would his wings be so frail?
Thomas A Sutor P O Box 2343 Lompoc CA 93436 Rockhawk.com |
All written word is "The Opinion" of Thomas A. unless otherwise noted...
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