August 15^th 2002

Pain journal

Believe it or not, I have been able to stop taking Ultram. I have also stopped wearing a sacral brace. I started massaging the nerves along my arms. Considering I had carpal tunnel in both hands, Ulnar nerves troubled in both elbows, and my lower back with multiple herniated discs one reaching 6 mm. One would think that life is very difficult, and it was. Today after about four months of massaging the arms, my upper neck, and my lower back area, I have been able to release myself through the power of personal healing touch. I still have morning sickness, and that’s very strange for a man, but I know it stems from the nervous system.

It has been 2 ½ years since my fall; as well as, multiple repetitive duties that caused my nerve damage to accelerate. I began slowly tracing the nerves. If you decide to do this for your own problems with the above mentioned traumas, be sure that your "very gentle." I have talked to a physical therapist, and he says if you massage the nerves too hard, you can cause further damage. I did not start this massaging process until two years and a few months after my initial injury. I am convinced however that touch "is a healing factor." Even when we do it ourselves. I am still unable to use a computer keyboard, but my pain level is at a very good place.

Society wants us to recover quickly, but nerve damage is something you cannot rush. I could’ve had operations on my hands and elbows. We did remove the tumor from the upper neck area. That was the only surgery I would permit because I did not like the 50-50 possibility of my conditioning worsening under the knife. I am back in school, and I am learning a profession once again. I plan to talk to my doctor about the nerve massage that I have discovered. It’s best if you can do it yourself because you know where your pain stems from. Sadly, I do not think this will gain much support, as there is no profit in personal massage. However, if you are reading this because you have chronic pain. I can tell you gentle massage along the pathways of my damage nerves has made a big difference.

It would be hypocritical for me not to mention once again that medical marijuana has played a big role in this as well. I know that smoking it while I was in pain is beneficial. Yet it never matched the capabilities of Ultram. Sadly each time I came off Ultram it was four to five days of severe withdrawal. To once again be totally drug-free and able to handle the discomfort, only a true person suffering from chronic pain could understand how much joy I am now finding. I no longer doubt the reality of chronic pain. It is not some mild discomfort, it is a severe debilitating condition. I can only hope as time progresses that our society will be more understanding. If you have friends like I do, the majority think they know what type of pain you’re going through. They have no idea.

So to all of those out there who have been told to stop your whining. Don’t. Just keep your mouth shut around people who don’t understand. It’s not worth trying to explain something to someone who doesn’t believe it exists. I was among the ranks of those who didn’t believe that there was such thing as a 24/7 severe physical pain year after year. Chronic pain messes with your mind, and I know you lose the ability to control your emotional stability. I have been through the intense anger, the severe frustration, and a despondent hopelessness of having to live in physical agony day after day. And the lowest blows are when your friends do not believe you anymore…

That being said; I never stop believing in myself, nor did I stop searching for an answer to my chronic pain. I am hopeful my condition has stabilized. I’m still in extreme pain, but I have managed to embrace it. For those who are new to chronic pain, do not commit suicide, do not surrender to your anger, and do not give up on faith. I know what you are going through, and I know you can continue to live if you want to. I will continue to seek out and list postings on issues dealing with workers comp, chronic pain, and legalizing medicinal herbage. If your reading this you must have hope, never lose your hope; furthermore, take charge of your recovery because you are your best advocate. I love you all and pray that you’ll find a wisdom and insight to your own dilemma.

Thomas A. SUTOR

P.O. Box 2343

Lompoc CA 93438

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