|
|
Before and After
It is not the day that makes me sad; it is the way I can not let go. I want to be held and touched and know I am your special someone. Someone so special you would do anything for a chance together. Too look into old age year after year with joy by my side. Is this not what is meant for those in love? I find myself at a loss for words, as I cannot partake of a life I wanted. I had to end it, yet I did not want to end it. How I hate mental blocks, especially the ones that keep me from you. I would not mind sharing conversations meant for lovers, but I can not maintain intimacy when you’re not spiritually looking to me. You seek something out there, and I am not out there. I am alone and at peace with my decision. I never lied about my intentions… There was not a day I did not reinforce what I was seeking. You gladly embraced and began to come close, a closeness that started to change, or was it me? I thought I said what I needed? I did not think I asked too much. I made every effort to give you space and time. It is madness that we are blocked by me. Am I so sullen and so needy? I can make my mind up to stand beside you, as you eventually will look to another to fulfill your needs. And on that day, I could take happiness in your new found joy! I could communicate and listen as you told me on each new day: how much they mean to you. As if I want to hear any of it. That would be the ultimate outcome. Once you fall into friends, it can never return to lovers` as I am sure time would see to that. Therefore, I chose the only logical and healthy route. My emotional need must come first; I have spent too much time accepting someone else’s fantasy. I need someone who will embrace my dreams and reinforce my soul by being there whenever I need them. It will not matter the distance, for I am willing to travel. I seek to find a life without jealous ambition. I tire too much to follow someone else’s opinion~ not based in love. What I have to offer is private. I will not share it indiscriminately. It is not given to those who think they know what is best for me; it is given to those who do what is best for me. My soul is full of love, and it desperately seeks to find the one who can embrace, inspire, and sooth the madness within. It takes letting go to show us how much we value ourselves to not accept second best. I must come first and above all else, have someone I can depend on. Someone who will be there when I need them. What good is a friend if you can not reach them in an emergency? You can not schedule in someone you love` to play a role they never “in there heart” agreed to. You can not say you thought otherwise. You knew and hoped I would be able to handle the arrangement. At what price to my emotional well being? I have not paid the ultimate price by walking away…
Thomas A Sutor P O Box 2343 Lompoc CA 93436 Rockhawk.com a |
All written word is "The Opinion" of Thomas A. unless otherwise noted...
|
